Some thoughts on saying when and finding when it is better to walk away than to stay in a bad situation.
Hello and a very warm welcome to our site as we discuss mental health, wellness and things that can affect us or those around us. We are very aware that not all the articles we publish in this series will be useful to everyone, but we hope that through the archives there is something that can be useful to you.
This week, a little chat about walking away from things. From someone who’s done this, and sees what a double-edged sword it can be.
I think there’s a point in any situation, in an assortment of contexts, where there’s nothing more you can realistically do. Whether it’s your fault or someone else’s, all you get for staying in this situation, whatever it is, is damage. Too bad for you, too bad for the others, and finally you have no more positive points.
It’s hard to gauge exactly what this point is, but most of us tend to at least know when we’ve passed it. And it’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but – appreciating, as always, that it’s the kind of thing that’s easier to write than to adopt – I’ve now said ‘when’ a little better. .
I also learned the hard way that finding a way to do this is crucial for mental health.
However, I also know that this has a price. I’m someone who quit a job without a job after all, which I couldn’t really afford to do. On the other hand, the way people were treated back then, I couldn’t really afford to stay either. A bit of me regrets making the decision a little too late, but it was a difficult situation, with – I have to be clear – a lot of brilliant people trying their best despite all sorts of things going on.
Still, it made me miserable and did a lot of damage to me. It still makes me unhappy. By walking away, I paid a heavy price, but I kept a cool head. I won more than I lost, but barely.
That’s why this one is difficult. Getting away is often the hardest thing to do, but also the most important thing to do. I’ve read a lot of articles about how it’s empowering, and to some extent I’m sure it is. However, I never felt that. I just needed to have my head back and find flashes of light. It felt like it had been a long time.
What I didn’t expect is to have done it once, there is the constant worry that I might do it again. Again, I don’t want to, but it was an unexpected shock.
I think, as always, the best thing – the ideal – is to have someone to talk to. Whether it’s a friend, family member, co-worker or service like the Brilliant Samaritans (who are very happy to talk to you at the beginning of your life as well as at the end) It’s really important to find a way to externalize what you’re feeling. Again, this isn’t always possible, but even writing things down can help. And make a realistic decision for you as soon as possible.
Of course, by the time you get to this point, I imagine a lot of damage has already been done. But still, everyone has a “when” and I think it’s important to recognize that. Find an exit if you can, then heal yourself as best you can after taking it.
All ideals granted. But start the conversation if you can, even if it’s a quick chatter in our comments. Sometimes you really have to step back a little to find light and happiness.
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